I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
He told me he doesn't dance and he hates drunken excitement. Why I ever thought it would work is beyond me.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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