I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
dude i woke up to 20 missed calls from you, 3 from a blocked number and had 13 voicemails that all said "send me a picture of your tits."
so im guessing thats a no.....
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
yeah its nbd she just bit me in the face. be there soon
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
Randomize
