youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
