"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Whatever, she only has 293 friends, she cant afford to be defriending me..
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
