My mom caught just caught me jerking off...in her room.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
Randomize
