so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
And then falling down drunk the next morning, concussing yourself and splitting your head open?
That was pretty sad, but you more than made up for it by using "concussing" in a sentence
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm eating ice cream out of my purse
Randomize
