Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
You know you come from good stock when you can have a family discussion about excuses to scam pain pills from the doctors
You need a sexual gate keeper
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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