I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize