My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
Can the rest of this semester just go by as a montage?
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
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