the new term for farting is butt boxing.
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
Randomize
