Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
If we see one freshman that cummed on me, we are leaving.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
Some guy thought i was the waitress and handed me his credit card. drinks on me.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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