I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
he went down on me and a few minutes later he asked to show me a magic trick. then he pulled a quarter out of my vagina
Randomize
