honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize