I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Dropped the bowl in the litter box. But it landed face up. What do I do?
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Randomize
