He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
He broke hus nose arm jousting with the traffic cones... We need to make head shots illegal or get helmets or something
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize