And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Randomize
