I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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