Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Randomize
