Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I don't wanna see it, I don't wanna touch it, I just want it in me.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
Randomize
