I wish I could teleport
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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