I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
The bar tenders gave me the number for a "taxi"... It's just a dude with a van. In retrospect, pretty sketchy. Robert was cool though.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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