i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
If thou arrisest to consciousness before I, rise me to an office of alertness for occupations such as brunch. Warm Regards, your roommate.
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
They had like literally all the dildos. It looked like a seance for dick. I left the apartment and haven't been back.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
