So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
WHY WONT HOT GETMAN MAKR PUPR WITH ME!!!!???!?!!
Can't decide if this guy is hot or if I'm just bored.
Sex is clearly the solution either way.
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just started an apology with "so I'm sorry about throwing the Brita at your head last night..."
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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