piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
By the end of the night i was making legitimate noises not just saying moo.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
It's a system.. i get to hook up with them and you get to play words with friends with them afterwards.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
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