Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
Well I disagree, 3 different men in my bed over my birthday was the perfect way to say goodbye to my childhood innocence
They glued all of the ceiling tiles shut.
oh my god. you caused complete remodeling to a college campus that you don't even go to
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
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