I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
