I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
I understand Curling. That high.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
