Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
It came up in court that I told the arresting officer my name was Thomas Jefferson, and I was born in 1776. I almost kept a straight face. Almost.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
I'd rather make snow angels in a pool of elephant shit.than sleep with him.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
How do you explain to your mom that you let your friend stab you in the leg while drunk and high on coke?
Randomize