we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
WE ARE DOOMED.
And not the good kind of doomed. Assuming there is one.
it isn't the robot apocalypse that's for sure
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
We told the cop that we were playing soccer, in flip flops, and 2:30 in the morning. It was raining and i had board shorts on. He bought it, lets go get drunk
Randomize
