i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
one might say we're banned from that church
just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
I have fb friend requests from two random swedish brothers... Must have something to do with that hostel I stumbled into on mardi gras
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Randomize
