I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
he said no sex till date three. i said the party was one, mcdonalds two and that i would take him with me to buy cigs for date three.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
