At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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