my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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