How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
a search helicopter?!
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So last night I taught an old homeless dude to respond to "Blue" so I could shout your my boy Blue at the party
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
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