im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
That was obviously his first time talking dirty. He called my vagina "pretty"
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
3 weeks in a row I've pulled '69' at the deli counter...God is giving me shit for not getting laid in a year....
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