I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
the mechanics of walkigng feel weird right now everyone lools like a demon
what does alcohol mean
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
