i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize
