We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
I have no idea, I usually just project my awkwardness out like a mating call until it draws other awkward members of the opposite sex out from the bushes
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
