If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
About to go get a free burrito for kissing a bald man in public
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
going on fb and having 11 notifications all from you is absolutely horrifying
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
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