I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
Just had to open a tuna can with a spoon. Gave me a sense of hunting for my own food.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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