i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I'm pretty sure this is how polyamorous relationships begin.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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