so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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