News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
Randomize
