Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Gonna open a taco bell in colorado. Millions bro.
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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