She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
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