i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I knew the sex would be bad when he slipped the rubber on and said "safe sex activated"
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Andrew is trying to convince me that i took your virginity. Please tell me he is lying.
define virginity.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
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