giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
