i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
