everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
I'd invite him but there's too many people who have fucked me going already
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I woke up upside down with my head in your ottoman and like a foot of space between the ottoman and chair.. My legs were straight up in the air... Yes. Your mother found me.
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
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