im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
Randomize
