well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Drake has all the answers
I just want my kids to know I fucked some really hot dudes before their father.
You're going to scar your kids
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
Randomize
