I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
She was eating whipped cream out of a plunger at 3 am in the morning. Yet somehow she still had an elegance about her.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Randomize
