when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Randomize