I'm doing a half mile walk of shame carrying a trash bag and still very drunk. Save me. I feel like a refugee.
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Wanna meet at the diner for breakfast? all I've eaten in the past 24 hours is glitter and penis. starvingg.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
