i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
Randomize
