Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
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