I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
