I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Randomize
