I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
there are seriously like six guinea pigs in my bathtub right now
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
