So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
