Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
