When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
