listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
This is love.
Which part? The alcoholic cupcakes or the lesbian st paddys day party?
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Randomize
