Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
I accidentally had phone sex last night
he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
