Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Probably twitter. Never underestimate a psycho girl with wifi
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
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