Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
I am going as Rudolph for the Christmas Eve furry orgie.
Is Santa taking the sleigh of slutty reindeer around the neighborhood again this year.
Yes. Several neighbors have requested it.
Randomize
