Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
Randomize