I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
Randomize
