apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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