great time with ya sorry i wasn't one of the three guys you wanted to stay with
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
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