Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
