you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I didn't know I was invited to an orgy.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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