meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Dude, i don't know. I don't remember anything after we started chanting/playing "shot of gin."
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
I wish you looked at me the way you looked at my brothers penis
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Randomize
