Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'd rather have snapchat than feelings.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
