I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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