If the pens lose tonight I'm gonna drive to Detroit and burn 8 mile to the ground.
Actually I may do that regardless. Probably get my own holiday.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Randomize
