There's people holding up abortion signs everywhere. I guess the people of Florida want you to remember you fucked up on Spring Break.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
he thanks me after handjobs.
you found the perfect man.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
