I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
We're both on the slippery slope toward middle age...and really shame riddled bar experiences
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
