if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
There appears to be a lake on my nightstand. As usual, I should not be considered a suspect. Together, we will find out who did this.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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