evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
Houston, we have a squirter
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize
