So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
lets start a swedish sibling band together
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
If you've ever wanted to get filthy in a Catholic church before 2 on a Wednesday, I might be your guy.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
