i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
and then they started calling me 'Shitshow Shandra', which apparently i took as a compliment.
I have officially had sex in every room on my floor. Don't say I'm not an amazing RA.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
