From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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