her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
Randomize
