If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
Naked Twister starts at high noon
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
