I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
She just tried to talk over a fart. The fart was way longer than the sentence she originally wanted to say so she just added gibberish to the end. Gross
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
