Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
You could breast feed yourself wine!! This shit is genius!
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Randomize
