my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
