so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
