thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
kyle and i were puking, simultaneously, off the front porch at 4 am, and in the middle of it he looks up, reaches his hand over, and says "knucks." And then I proceeded to fist bump him. By farrr the best time I've ever had puking.
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
$5 off purchases of eighths or more today only. Happy tax-free weekend. -Your consumer-minded pot dealer
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
