last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
