I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It's always a surprise to see what songs I shazamed and downloaded last night while we were drunk at the bar.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
Randomize