She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
