Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Buying weed with grant money. God I love college. No other time are we presented with these opportunities.
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
